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Hardest time of my life till now August 30, 2007

Posted by Gaurav Dhiman in Personal Life.

It’s been long time now, since I visited my blog to post new entries. In last few days, there have been a number of changes in my life. On 23rd July 2007 night, I lost my dear mother. At that time I and my wife were in Japan. I came to knew about the news on 24th July morning, when I reached office and read the mail from my brother-in-law. As I shifted my residence in Japan on 22nd, so I was not connected to the world, as my phone and net connection were both disconnected at that time. When I heard the news, it was a great shock to me and it was hard for me to control that situation alone there in Japan. At that time I was thinking that why I came to Japan, when I knew that mother is not keeping a good health. I was literally cursing myself from inside. It was a great lose to me and at that moment; I was not able to understand how to react to that situation.

As I was in office at that time, so my co-workers helped me in getting the ticket booked for back to India. It was a busy season for India-Japan route, so was not able to get the ticket on same day, but somehow ticket I was able to get the ticket on next day. I left office early that day to pack my things, but in evening one more news came in which changed my plan further. Earlier I was planning to return back to Japan as my project was going on, but on that evening I came to know that my project is also getting aborted in between due to some cost issues. I hardly had few hours to pack my things permanently. I had two options, one is to go back at that time by canceling my house contract and other public services contract in Japan and leave Japan to never return back, but few hour left with me were very less for doing all this. Other option was to return back to Japan after few days, once things get settled in India, to cancel contracts and then I leave Japan permanently by completing my formalities in Japan. It’s nice of my friends or co-workers in Japan (Gouranga, Manish, Joy, Himangshu and their wives) to help me at that moment. They decided to take over my responsibilities to cancel the contracts on my behalf and to dispose off my household things. I handed over all my required personal documents to Gouranga and he told me that he will try his best to get things canceled so that I need not to return back to Japan just for getting things canceled. It was his kindness that he helped me and took all the responsibility, without which I would not have been able to leave Japan permanently at that time. I am my wife both packed our things, leaving behind all what we could not take back to India. I was in a bad shape at that time because of the news of my mother and at the same time I was also put in emergency situation on my project front. Anyhow, with the help of my friends, I was able to fly back to India on 24th July, hoping that Gouranga will cancel all the contracts in Japan and I will not be required to return back. In worst case I got my return ticket booked for 21st Aug, so that I can return in case I need to.

We reached India in night and took a taxi from Delhi to my home town Panchkula. Finally we reached home at 7 in morning on 25th. Till that time the crimination was already done as it was a hot weather and everybody told that it was not right to keep the body for so long in such a hot and humid weather. Most of my close relatives were already there. At that time I was going through a strong feeling that why I left for Japan seven months back. Actually in Dec I got married and left for Japan for my project along with my wife. At that time I my mother’s health was ok. I won’t say she was good, as she was suffering from dubieties since long time, I think for last 30 years. Due to such prolonged dubieties, her health suffered a lot, especially in last few years. Her eyesight got blurred, her heart was only working at 15% as two of her major arteries were blocked and now during her last month her kidneys failed and stopped working, due to which she was put on dialysis. Due to regular dialysis (thrice a day) most of the nutrients of her body were drained out, which caused a lot of weakness in her body. I was aware of her situation in Japan and was planning to come back to India on 4th Aug, but she left us before that only. I did not even get a chance to meet her for the last time. I sometimes feel unlucky as I did not get a chance to be near her in her last moments. I know she must have remembered me a lot. Well, its the same for me, she will forever remain alive in my memories.

By experiencing all this, I came to know that nothing in this world is predictable. Whatever one plans, but it is not determined that things will go as per plan. I never thought of departing from my mother in such a way, but it happened as it was destined to happen. I was in Japan working smoothly and never thought of returning back so suddenly and in such a situation, well but it all happened, one can not plan for such things. I think one should try to do his best to keep things in place but at the same time should be ready for any surprises. One should keep on going with life, whatever it shows to you. Try to be best in the given situation, whatever that situation may be.



1. sanjay - September 1, 2007

Its really difficult and self agonising not to be with those ppl whom you love the most, but thats the way life is!.
It keeps popping surprises however well you are prepared.
May her soul rest in peace.

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